God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My penis needs a shock collar
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
