I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
