nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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