i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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