just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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