I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You are a genius and a whore.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
