I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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