WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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