well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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