what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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