I wish my penis had an off switch
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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