I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
