She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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