I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
