last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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