we're chasing vodka with high fives
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
