I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
