hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
