There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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