PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize