my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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