Your face is a jimmy john
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
