This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
