She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
