Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
