the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
