____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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