This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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