i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
