I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
