I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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