yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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