We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
