Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
