she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
