He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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