a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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