the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
