I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize