even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
