I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
