big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
