i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
