hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Randomize