he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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