Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
