I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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