this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
