Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
