matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
