So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
