Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
