My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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