Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
