I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
