i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
