Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
