I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
