I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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