Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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