Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
