if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You made out with two different species that night
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
