You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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