I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
