haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
