It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
