I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
