it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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