I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
