you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
