having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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