Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
