My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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