Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
