omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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