This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize