so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
