Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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