is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He shit in the fireplace
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
