If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
