I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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