Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
