Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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