i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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